Surviving a Storm (finale)

i know its been a month since my last post and i do apologize for that, there are many things on my mind lately so i have to make it up...

H. PLAY AS A PSYCHOLOGIST/PSYCHIATRIST TO BROKEN HEARTED FRIENDS

Don't you hate seeing your friends suffer as you did then? you know what they are going through, you know how they feel. why not play up as an unlicensed therapist and get the rewarding feeling of helping a friend in need, of how to cope up with a painful rejection. based now on your experiences you now guide them on the do's and don'ts on hie to properly administer a successful and hassle free break-up. take out the notes your mother lectured you cause now is the time to get your Ph.D.

I. TAKE UP A NEW SPORT

the lists are endless, enjoy the thrills of the game, accept the little disappointments, you may love it or hate it, get those uncertainties back into your system, gives you something extra each and everyday, infect you with natures adrenaline. trust me you'll need it as you battle on the court, wander your eyes, surprisingly there are more prospective relationships hanging around the bleachers.

J. BUY A 200-PIECE JIGSAW PUZZLE

for what you might say? how dumb can you get?! what are puzzles for? SO YOU CAN ASSEMBLE IT OF COURSE AND KILL TIME TO GET OVER HIM/HER!!!

This concludes the simple tips on how to survive the most darkened hours of your life, eventually winning back some of your dignity and at the same time aid you in the process of moving on and finding a new true love.

YOU WISH! LOL!

July 19, 2008

you know what,
i miss you
i miss the times...
when we were together.
the times when we were happy or sad.
the times when we face each day
with passion, with love.
i miss everything about you,
your eyes that glisten
and penetrates to my very soul,
your lips that's oh so sweet
yes! specially that one.
your hair that sways with the breeze
and smelled of your favorite shampoo.
i miss the things you do,
your soft hands
that finds its way to my face.
the way your arms
tightly wraps around me
for that wonderful warm embrace.
the countless kisses,
so tender, so true.
i miss them all.
i will surely miss you,
even though at one time
i saw you with another man
doing the things with him
as the way you do to me.
i will never forget that one slap.
the very slap that started it all.
i did it with a heavy hand,
it made your heart broke,
but that's not the only thing that's broken
your arms, your ribs, your neck.
i even stabbed you
a couple of times,
left you swimming
in a pool of your own blood.
farewell now to the memories,
farewell now to the past.
the only thing left for me to do now
is close your apartment door,
without a feeling of regret
or a feeling of remorse
but you know what..
i miss them all
and surely
i will miss you.


-pacites

July 17, 2008

as it echoes through the horizon
as it draws the curtain of tears
you sense a feeling of lightness
driving away your sorrows and fears

puddles of emotions lay on the floor
filling the gaps, the cracks, the holes
it reflects your innermost desires
to the minds of restless souls

the ripples that darts on the surface
continuously disturbs the silence
it grows bigger, it grows wider
and opens the window to the heavens


-pacites

July 16, 2008

-a tribute to the resident evil series

there's just one thing on my mind
the very one thing that have kept me alive
the only thing that i can do at the moment
until the remaining ounce of strength deserts me.
i have to keep pushing,
i need to keep on running,
even though the streets looked the same,
every corner, every alley
covered with a chilling darkness
as it seeps through your skin.
they can smell your fear.
they wanted to have a taste of your flesh
but i shouldn't give in
i desperately need to live
but there's no escaping them
every turn that i take
i know that they are there
they lurk in the shadows
they see through the cracks
they are just there
just waiting,
waiting for me to get tired
waiting for me to take a breath
waiting for me to stop.
death arrives on scorched wings
i thought i was safe, for a moment
but it was a mistake
as footsteps draws closer and closer
dragging on with their dead bodies.
i tried to outrun their insatiable hunger
but i was pinned down
slumped to the ground
their cold hands maneuvered over my body
tearing off my skin as i scream.
piece by bloody piece
they gorge themselves
they are eating me alive
i was gurgling as they rip through me
blood spurts from my mouth
from then on i knew
that my terrible fate have been sealed
i wasn't meant to survive
i was just one of their food.


-pacites

July 15, 2008

i feel nothing but the cold
the sting of an empty soul
beneath those fiery stare
lies a heart of frozen coal

it held me with a chilling touch
that made me tremble and moan
but not with freight or of fear
just a feeling of being alone

i cried to someone, to anyone
but nobody seemed to hear
for my voice is muffled, silent
to a vast space that looked so near

struggled hard as i might
for tender hugs and warm embraces
but the bars are tightly chained
and i am tied with icy laces

it broke me, torn into pieces
carried while i was bleeding
and laid on the floor of shattered memories
left with everything, i have nothing

drowned myself with my own tears
as i let out a foggy breath
it was cold, it was my last
for i feel nothing, i feel death

-pacites

Surviving a Storm (continuation)

D. WORK OUT

Faith may give you a scare sometimes because one of these days you might accidentally get acquainted again with your ex and upon seeing you look so miserable will give her/him enough satisfaction of over-powering you even more and reducing your sorry piece of ass into rubble, labeling you "LOSER OF THE YEAR!" so get your hands off that remote, get your butt off that couch, enroll yourself in a nearby gym, start a new diet, take pilates class even order that exercise machine that you've always watched from that shopping network. Build up a sweat, carve up that body and for once you can take that satisfaction from your ex's face and wear it as your own ever your paths get intertwined, regretting how she/he being so stupid of letting your hot smokin' body go.

E. MAKE YOUR MOM YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND

Probably the best tip i ever heard of. If any problem may arise who's the best you can turn on to? think no further, well your mom of course! amids all your so called friends, your mother is far more or the best at least to get the most wonderful advices you could ever get. For a fact she did went through this once or twice in her life you know and upon those experiences she can concoct boundless words of wisdom any self help book ever published. "MOTHERS REALLY KNOWS BEST!"

F. WRITE A NOVEL

What better way to pour out those emotions that to write a book about it, rewrite some of the chapters, turn yourself as the protagonist of the story and make your ex as the villain, the big bad wolf or even the evil step sisters you know how it goes, a happily ever after you've dreamed of. It may turn out to be a best seller, how you've changed from the "nobody" to a "SOMEBODY" in blinking lights, as you look how long the line of people are a certain person step up from that same line, you take a quick glance and write up those words to her copy at your book launch laughing inside "WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, JERK!"

G. CATCH UP WITH THE LATEST VIDEO GAME RELEASE

Go out, go to the mall and buy that bulky XBOX 360, the wireless Nintendo Wii or that small pocket size PSP and spend those lonely nights breaking those high scores, unlocking hidden secrets/levels, memorizing those button combinations and beating up that computer controlled player picturing it as your ex, unleashing those deadly blows or combos and that final finish for that perfect knock out resiting those two words of a job well done "GAME OVER!"

-to be continued

Idle Mind

time easily slips by as he stared into space, looking at the dim light bulb, as bugs' swirls around and around, thinking nothing in particular like the bugs idling about. he straddled off into the kitchen and on the table was the same food he ate the day after with flies swarming over it. just looking at it made him sick enough and yet he ate it, thinking nothing of how long at had been lying there or of the awful taste just like the flies filling only their empty stomachs. at the bathroom nothing seems to come out on the rusted tap. damn those bills keep coming while waters nothing. when was the last time he used the shower not that he care. he hadn't even used this mildewed tiled room for day's even weeks. back at his room he picked a certain shirt from the dozens on the floor. it had a print of a skull with a snake coming in and out of the eye sockets. smells moldy. to hell with those rats as he stared at one the sleeves counting eleven small holes and seven big ones. who cares anyway? he seated himself on the floor and took out a box from the trash heap underneath the bed. he pulled out a sealed plastic full of powdered substance. his soul food, his life, everything seems to spin at his eyesight; feeling of lightness enveloped his whole being; soaring up to the clouds. he was in total bliss. he pulled out two other objects from the box and stared at it and for the first time that day he was in deep thought.
"no one can stop me not even me, I'm invincible!"
first h slashed his wrist, blood oozing from the cut. seeing the red liquid dripping into the floor put a smile on his face. he felt nothing, no sting, no pain, no nothing. so far his cynical plan is working. next he pulled out this shinny thing, lifeless yet murderous. he pointed it at his temple and thought.
"i have gone this far why not go through it!"
and at that moment the room seems hotter than usual for he was sweating all over. blood still flows from his cut wrist and at unexpected time tears starts to glide from his cheeks.
"no force can stop me. no god can take this moment of glory from em, for i am my own god!"
his body began to tremble. he have never been worried this much in his lifetime, then in a split second a loud noise filled the entire room and then there was silence only the sound of death echoing at the walls. on the floor soaking in a pool of blood lays the body, the carnage of a man thinking nothing in the world but himself until the last minute of his damned life.

Buttered Toast

I know right before i saw her until the day i married her that this might last forever or so i thought.

Fifteen years of marriage wasn't too easy yet wasn't difficult. Problems come and go but we managed to go through it. i wouldn't consider this relationship a perfect one, but all i know is that we live each day to the fullest. we quarrelled sometimes but we loved each other. We didn't have children but i didn't blame her for that, although I've always dreamt of having one who would call me daddy or just looking at them playing at the lawn or even carrying them on my shoulders. I even thought of adapting one but then i realized that if this is our fate I would gladly accept it, cause hey! we still have each other to fill each others needs; each hopes and dreams; each sorrows and joys. People often ask us of how do we keep our marriage tight and I often answer, "she loves me , I love her back; she converse with me I listen, vise versa and one important thing we bonded our love to the man above." Sometimes I think that if I married her without the following reasons we might have ended like everybody else, separated, lost, lonely. not until the day that changed our whole lives.

It was just an ordinary day with morning paper on both hands, coffee on one side of the table and the toast on the other. I reached for the toast, savoring its oven fresh smell. Oh, how this crunchy bread has savored my mornings for the last fifteen years of marriage, as my teeth touches the toast right there i knew something is wrong. She never buttered my toast for the last fifteen years.

The following day was her routine check-up and then there it was without a trace of how it all started. She was diagnosed of blood cancer yet she seemed so healthy and alive. Her rosy cheeks and milky white skin deteriorating. God! I wished I could take her place. I can't barely imagine the pain she's going through. Seeing her smile even though in great agony made me sick that I could only burst into tears. How could destiny play with people's lives like this? We were so happy, so in love yet this will shatter everything.

Day after day she slips away, day after day sh dies bit by bit and during those times I fill her with own life. Her sickness started to show signs, her eyes lost its sparkle, and her skin looked pale and her body tires easily. I was always at her side. I can't think of her all alone in moments like this. I was holding on able to hear her breathing in my ear, able to feel her heartbeat with mine. We were one soul.

Then one night as we were about to sleep she held my hand and stared at me with tears in her eyes. I asked her what's wrong but she answered me with a question. "Will you still love me?" I put my arms around hers and without doubt I answered "Till the day I die my love is yours, forever." with a smile she closed her eyes and left, then and there in my own arms. I know that she's gone, as simple as that, she didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye but then I thought who cares about goodbyes she never even left. The memory of her and her love still lingers in my heart, still i held her while I cried throughout the night savoring the remaining warmth of her body.

Today longing for her sweet caress and warm hugs never leaves my mind. You know what i rally miss most about her, those tender lips that I used to kiss everyday when I'm with her. Oh! Those were the times. People often ask me how did I survived my greatest tragedy in life and I often answer, "I know that she loves me, of course I love her back; I talk to her, she listens and one important thing we bonded our love with God."

Surviving a Storm

You've probably seen this a million times from movies to actual events, from friends or even personal experiences, one thing leads to another. First, it feels like you own the whole world, the next thing you knew everything's shattered. You can't contain the pain, it always finds it way to the surface. It shows in your actions but most of all it shows on your face. You can't plug out those never ending streams of tears from your eyes. It seemed BREAKING UP is really hard to do.
a question pops:

"HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?"

answer:

By facing your normal life without your ex one day at a time like everybody else. Concentrate on your studies/work, hang out again with your friends you've neglected and take in the following tips I've read in a magazine years ago;

A. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOBILE PHONE

Never underestimate the new technology, it may store your million pictures, play all your stored songs but it still is that little sneaky device used for communication. Store it away on a cabinet, under lock and key then have your mom hide the key in a place she knows you can't find because for one thing, once you've stared at your phone long enough it starts to cloud up your mind the next thing that happens you're dialing your ex's number sobbing like crazy asking him/her to take you back. Remember the golden rule of breaking up "Once is Enough!"

B. NEVER ASK FOR ALL THE THINGS IN YOUR EX'S PLACE

The love letters you've sent, those plushy teddy bears, all the photo frames with your pictures on it, the love fern. (love fern?) Its another classic maneuver of communication just like the "cellphone" thing but more on the personal level. Do you really want to be seen by your ex look like hell as you exchange hateful words and pathetic excuses as it leads you begging on your knees? I don't think so! Get this hard and straight, whats left in your house that belongs to your ex is yours and vice versa, there's no need to bring it back, here's the best way to deal with it which brings us to the next tip;

C. BURN ALL HIS/HER THINGS

The love letters, don't even bother reading them again, two words "BURN THEM!". Them plushy teddy bears? get a real sharp scissors and start tearing them to pieces and then trow em into the blazing flames. All those pictures? look at them for the last time but don't shed a tear dear, instead, wear a sly grin on your face as you toss them one by one over the burning decapitated teddy bears.

-to be continued.

Up and Running

Having a formally established blog is a first on my to do list and since active friendster accounts do support this application I was hoping it would suffice my creative writing juices, publishing all my literary pieces and even putting up a more personal journal. I did enjoyed it a few times unfortunately I came to the realization that none even dared to look at it, though hard did i try to encourage all my friends, desperate as I might, even posted it on the bulletin boards, non of them seemed to care. Friendster and other similar sites such as MySpace or Multiply are first and foremost personal networking services, a place where you can find old friends or even meet new ones, although they may have certain blogging capabilities none of them comes close to official Blog sites that serves it real purpose, limitless blogging. in connection to the Friendster mania, look me up at http://profiles.friendster.com/shadedheart if anyone of you wish or care to add me up.

Since this would be my very first posting, I would like to sum up the things that you might be expecting from this humble site, from meager personal experiences to a more community/political ponders, from little "somethings" to everything... anything. (I might even re post some of my poems from the blog on my friendster account) I know for sure I might not please everybody with my writing, some may find it a little awkward and weird but I am certain about one thing, I would try my best to give you quality materials, (haha materials?!) stir up your minds, interact your imaginations and bring back the pleasure of writing and reading sensible yet entertaining articles. Bear with me for a little while as I fortify my foundations and invoke the accumulated knowledge over the years.

Let me turn on the lights, flip the pages as i resurrect the past and jut down the present, its showtime!

Let the Blogging begins!!